Opinion: Be a good IRL human in this time of anti-LGBTQ and other attacks

Opinion by Allison Hope

(CNN) — Let’s face it: the world is on fire. Literally and figuratively.

Back to school for many and back to the office for many who were working from home means more than just sharpened pencils, bagged lunches and water cooler conversation.

It also means having to navigate a slew of new laws and policies on the heels of a ferocious legislative  and US Supreme Court season framed by the culture wars that included what educators can and cannot teach, how colleges’ admissions processes work, what programs are allowed or must be discontinued or reconfigured, what bathroom people can use, and so much more. The list of social issue landmines planted and minority groups affected grows ever longer, creating a confusing patchwork legal landscape that is hard for even the most attuned politico to follow.

I believe it’s still true that there are more well-intentioned humans than nefarious ones, and they can do the right thing to support those in the lines of fire.

Supporting students

More than 18 states have passed laws dictating what can and cannot be taught about slavery and racial equity. In nearly a third of states, teaching students about LGBTQ people is now outlawed. In places like Florida, transgender people, including students, can face criminal charges for using a bathroom that doesn’t align with their sex assigned at birth.

Parents and allies can support all students and help create a safer environment for those who are most vulnerable by:

• Providing alternate routes to education. If a school doesn’t teach about slavery or LGBTQ figures throughout history, take a trip to the local library or bookstore to grab some books that cover those topics. There are also plenty of age-appropriate TV shows, movies and other resources that touch on these important themes.
• Being a safe harbor. Let children know they have a safe space to talk, ask questions and express themselves. Support their self-discovery. LGBTQ youth whose parents said positive and affirming things about their identity were less likely to report being depressed, according to the Human Right Campaign’s Equality Rising Youth Report.
• Speaking up on behalf of those who need help. Raise voices and advocate for greater inclusion and school policies that protect rather than isolate or further marginalize students. “It is imperative that LGBTQ+ allies speak loudly and boldly in the face of increased attacks on our community. LGBTQ+ students are heading back to school fearful and uncertain that they will be supported,” said Cheryl Greene, director of the Human Rights Campaign’s Welcoming Schools program. “It is the job of educators to ensure all students feel valued and can be their authentic selves so that students can flourish both academically as well as socially and emotionally.”

Caring for colleagues

Employees are contending with the external influences that they can’t easily shed at the workplace door. Not all workplace policies are created equal, and workplaces must also comply with local laws that differ by geography.

Managers and coworkers can support their colleagues and create a supportive environment by:

• Advocating for inclusive policies. Know the anti-discrimination workplace policies and best practices and ensure they align. Out & Equal’s “Global Toolkit for Change: Assessing LGBTQ+ Inclusion In Your Workplace” is a guide that supports organizations in identifying what policies, programs and inclusive practices should be in place. 
• Demonstrating allyship. “Visibility — in the workplace and beyond — plays a key role in shaping the narrative that individuals can be both successful and their authentic selves simultaneously,” said Matthew Di Taranto, senior director, PR & Communications at Out & Equal, an LGBTQ workplace advocacy organization.
• Being an active listener. Create space for colleagues to share their stories and their hopes and concerns. That also means leaving assumptions at the door (i.e. not assuming pronouns for coworkers or their significant others. Out & Equal’s “What’s Your Pronoun?” offers tips for how to respect pronouns in the workplace. Learn about the lived experience of colleagues who inhabit minority identities and take their cues on how to be a better listener and active ally.

Civic engagement

In June, the Supreme Court ruled in favor of a Christian web designer, Lorie Smith, who runs 303 Creative and who wanted to be able to turn away same-sex couples seeking wedding website services, opening the door for businesses to turn away all types of people simply because of who they are or who they love. Hate crimes are up across most demographic groups, making allyship and civic engagement more urgent than ever.

Concerned citizens can take action by:

• Knowing the law. Understanding the lay of the land is the first step to becoming a strong ally and advocate. Make close friends with legislative trackers and stay apprised of proposed bills. Consider weighing in with informed opinions about the bill, either through testimony, contacting legislators, writing opinion pieces in local papers or other means.
• Being an active upstander. The word active here is key, because bystander  means observer, but active upstander means taking action to not only intervene when observing something bad happening to a fellow citizen, but also gathering others to help intervene as well. It’s the ultimate form of showing up for others.
• Helping to register voters, educate on the issues and get people to the polls. Know the rules about voter registration in a particular jurisdiction to get people signed up. Toolkits can help make it easier to leverage assets that spread the word and call people to action. Good ole knocking on doors still does the trick as well. Volunteering for an organization that helps get out the vote or provides advocacy or other services is another good option.

Self-care

Whether an ally or a member of a community that is facing heightened risk, creating rituals that help promote well-being and boost mental and emotional and physical health can go a long way in helping to mitigate the dumpster fire.

“Individuals who are victims of anti-rhetoric, hate crimes, or targets of discriminatory laws and policies will all experience trauma,” said Dr. Nicole Erkfitz, a licensed clinical social worker and executive director of AMFM Healthcare Northern Virginia. “Unfortunately, trauma that is created by damaging policies and systems builds a fear of distrust in providers for those who experience it. This leads to decreases in seeking help and reaching out.”

To prioritize wellness during times of duress, Erkfitz recommends:

• Connect with people you trust and talk about what you are going through. “Isolation can be a dangerous trap. Letting someone you trust know that you are struggling or know that you went through something traumatic allows them to understand you better,” Erkfitz said. “Don’t forget to ask for help when needed and remember you are not a burden.”
• Don’t shy away from talking to children about the issues. Just do so in age-appropriate ways, make clear they are safe in sharing and teach them to stand up for themselves. “Providers used to believe that not exposing children to tough conversations was beneficial for their well-being. However, we are seeing this narrative shift,” Erkfitz said.
• Create a safe space for others and believe individuals’ experiences. “When you engage with someone who you know has experienced trauma you should be understanding that the traumatic event that they experience alters the way they see normal interactions,” Erkfitz said.

Above all, recognize that there are many pathways to being a good ally, and the only wrong one is the one not taken.

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