Columbine survivor talks healing for Boulder shooting survivors
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. (KRDO) -- She lives in Colorado Springs now, but Amanda Duran still remembers every detail about Columbine in April 20, 1999, the day she survived a mass shooting.
Duran was in the library when students walked in with guns and began firing, she was just 15 years old. As she hid under a table, she noticed the girl next to her had been shot in the shoulder. She survived, but even decades later, she lives with the trauma every day.
In the immediate aftermath, she said she felt completely numb.
"I kept patting myself down to make sure I hadn't actually been shot, and I was just in shock," Duran said.
As the Columbine students returned to class two weeks later in a different building, Duran said she had a hard time returning to the library.
"My first thought immediately was I looked around and thought there is no good place to hide here," Duran said.
She thinks survivors of Monday's King Soopers shooting in Boulder will have a similar experience.
"That's probably what the survivors are going to be doing for a long time, just worrying about, 'Where can I hide if someone comes in again?'" Duran said.
She said she had an easier time recovering from the trauma when she was still going to school surrounded by others who had the same experience. When she graduated, her healing process changed.
"All of a sudden, you're around people who only heard about it on the news or didn't know anybody who was there, so like, you talk about panic attacks when a balloon pops or something and they'll have no idea what you're talking about," Duran said.
She also said she struggles every year around the anniversary of the Columbine shooting, she feels distant and has a hard time focusing.
"Even though Columbine was almost 22 years ago, I'm still 15 on the inside. I'm frozen. I can still go back to that day, in and out in a heartbeat," Duran said.
Duran added that people have a hard time bringing Columbine up to her, she thinks they don't want to upset her. She said that can make it worse.
"I honestly wish they would call me more ask how I'm doing, like on the anniversary -- radio silence. Nobody calls me except maybe my mom and my grandma might see how I'm doing," Duran said, adding that it's important for the friends and relatives of survivors of the King Soopers shooting to check on their loved ones.
As for the survivors themselves, Duran said it will take time, but things will get better.
"You will be able to go into a grocery store again," she said. "It's going to take a while, I'm not gonna promise you're going to be able to do it right away, but things will get easier. You just have to lean on those around you do not try to take it on yourself."
